I had a good chat with a friend from school last night. It was good, C. was a person who I talked with pretty regularly and we knew each others friends okay, but we traveled in different circles and I don’t think we ever took a class together.

That’s not true. We were in one class together for about 3 weeks until I realized that as philosophically minded as I was (and am), I didn’t really have the time, or wherewithal to take a philosophy class. Particularly an upper level philosophy class when I had no background in the kind of writing or other work that would be required. No, it’s a good thing I dropped that class, but it did mean that C. and I never took a class together. Nevermind, this digression is totally not relevant to any point I’m making.

She asked me, “how are you doing tychoish1?”

I said: “Stressed, and I’m not sublimating it well.”

Which is true, if a little awkward. I think that’s what graduate school applications are all about. I think it’s probably amazing that I haven’t been more symptomatic earlier.

I have no control over this process, there’s nothing I can do except read more, and wait. For like three weeks, while I slowly become unhinged waiting for something to give.

Usual stress, if you’re on top of things can become inspiration to do other things: knit obsessively, write, and so forth. When you’re buried under coursework, even productive procrastination helps to assuage your sanity, say. But, this graduate school thing? Nothing.

Doing other things mostly just underscores how extremely uncertain the future really is.

On the upside, between meetings and readings today, I have time to write. I also have two episodes of Torchwood to watch. Squee

Onward and Upward!

  1. I find that I occasionally, for some people, I sometimes receive nickname of a similar-to-real-name named Lord of the Rings character, but I think that “tychoish,” conveys the proper level of familarity and oddness ↩︎