At various points in this graduate school application season I think I was able to be mildly productive on other projects, but the last few weeks have been difficult, to say the least.

And then there weren't so many unknown variable outside of my control. Actually this happened rather immediately. You can't plan the unknown, really, so in a lot of ways this is a better problem to have, but it's not without challenges.

One thing that I've realized is that after being mildly productive but not otherwise particularly busy for what seemed like years, but was probably only about 6 weeks, I'm dog tired.

Part of this is that I slept really poorly Sunday night and it's taking a while to whack my sleep schedule back into shape. Part of the problem is that with the added emotional stress and the new anxiety of having to figure out what I'm going to do with my life after august, I've been trying to limit my caffeine intake so that the stim don't provoke something my body/mind can't deal with, and make things worse. [1]

The other ting, is that the six weeks or so of anxiety has left me tired, which is counter intuitive, because I feel like I should be able to get up and get going in the right direction, but it's apparently harder than that. And it's only been two days at this point, so some adjustment is necessary. And also, I think because I've been so largely unproductive recently, all of the "structures of productivity," (list making, time budgeting aren't as immediately habitual as it used to be.) But I think realizing this will make it easier to attend to these things in the future.

Also, and this is really minor, but my knitting projects at the moment are very annoying. The hem facing from hell, and the sweater that I haven't designed yet. Soon this will sort itself out and I'll be back to knitting happy things. Spinning is slowing as well, but I did some more of it today, and that's good.

On the upside I'm very on top of my email correspondence.

What's on the schedule from here? I start the full time summer job in a few weeks, but I have big family obligations for the next couple of weekends, so I think my time is pretty well accounted for. In the mean time I need to get the productivity structures built up, so that I'm better at using time to get knitting and writing done once my time is more crunched.

The truth is, though, that I often work better when time is crunched, so that's not a bad thing. I'm also sending out emails about doing web contract webdesign and other technical work, as I'm slowly in search of a job/career/reliable income source for post-August. I got a rather immediate callback. The pay is a bit sucky (but not bad), and if I can do it remotely (shouldn't be an issue) it would be more than ok.

Anyway, enough blathering. Thanks for reading, and I'll be in touch...

Onward and Upward!

[1]I just realized that this is sort of what the caffine/stim junky equivalent of drinking is. If your normal chemical state is a bit above middle, having 20-25% of your normal intake is sort of equivalent to consuming a depressant. Or at least has a bit of a numbing effect. In any case, I don't want you all to think that I'm a huge druggie, I just drink a lot of tea and think fairly seriously about my overall body chemistry. I woke up with a caffeine headache today, for instance, because I had maybe one cup yesterday early in the day, and it takes about a day since your last cup for the headache to come. I have to be better about this.