I’m almost completely done in Beloit until next semester. There is one more Rubbermaid to carry down to the car, plus the live animals, and our book bags, and then we can be on our way. It’ll be a difficult trip, the U-Haul limits the speed a lot, and yeah. But we got everything packed up, amazingly enough.

But I’m sure you’re more interested in how my semester from hell ended. Right. Well it did. I think I did well in my classes, perhaps not as well as I would have liked to, but I held down 23 credit hours, all of which were really upper level so I’m happy. I think I had/have something of a chance at As in 10 hours, A- in 8 hours, and really anyone’s guess is as good as mine in the last four hours (1 class) It can’t possibly be less than a B-, and probably won’t be better than an B+, but I learned a hell of a lot in that class, even if I’m still not sure I “get it.” But I have no regrets.

So lets go down class by class,

PSYCH 150 - Statistics: It was a good class. I totally understand what was taught, and I did reasonably well. I’m doing a lot of work with the professor (department chair), but I don’t know if I’m going to have a chance to take another formal class with her. It was a requirement, but it wasn’t a gawd awful amount of work, and I think I accomplished the goal. At the moment, I’m trying to find a way to get SPSS (the statistical package de jour, for psych) to work with my computer. No such luck yet, but I’m getting there, and I’m sort of sorry that this class was so locked up in pen and papering the solutions, and not teaching us how to use SPSS, but whatever.

PSYCH 256 - Cross Cultural Psych: I learned a lot, I guess. I felt that the methodology is completely flawed, and that the content was intro to psych, but asking the question “what about culture,” which is something I felt I did, when I was in intro. So maybe not the most productive experience, but it fulfills a requirement, and I wouldn’t have know how much I disliked it, without taking it. Not a total loss, but I’m feeling very, shrug about it.

WGST 360 - Writing Race and Sexuality: Amazing class, really really involved students, and the professor was into it too. It was also the class with the most tension. There were a number of times when the dynamic melted down, and we damn near killed each other, which I viewed as a problem. I’m totally not sure that I was prepared for the class, but I learned a lot, and would probably take it again, given the option. My paper was really interesting, there were a number of underlying flaws but I think it’ll be ok. I’m ambivalent, strongly, but that kind of thing happens. I think I got a lot from this class, but I think I ended up really demoralized about my own analytical and writing skills which aren’t that bad: maybe it was a clash of style, but whatever, it’s beyond me now, and the professor had a 1 year appointment, so that’s done with.

WGST 210 - Gender and Politics in the US with Global Contexts. This class had the worlds largest reading and writing load. It was too much at times, and while I started out ambivalent about the class (all of my friends who were taking the class with me, dropped it in the second week), I ended up really liking it. I did a lot of work, learned a bunch, have the resources to learn more and do more work, and walked away really happy. And while I don’t think my paper is publishable by any means, it’s probably the best thing (in terms of ideas) I’ve written this semester.

ART 150 - Weaving and Fiber Arts. Well that was a strange trip. I’ve discovered that I really really like knitting, and weaving doesn’t hold much appeal for me. So be it. I’m ok with that. One thing I learned, was how to spin, and I’m really interested in that now, and will continue to do this, it was a lot of work, and I turned in like twice as many projects as I needed to, so I’ll be fine. Also the instructor, seemed to be very interested in doing independent study projects with me in the future, which might be nice if I needed the credit, but I probably won’t.

PSYCH 390 - Special Project in Sensation. I was a research assistant this semester, and did a bunch of work. I wrote a lit review, collected and entered data, and participated with the analysis. While I didn’t like the study all that much, and I’m not sure that it means a whole lot, but whatever. We have the results we want, and really good results, so that’s exciting. I think the chances of the paper getting published are pretty good, and I’m really excited about that, and I’ll be able to get do some sort of research-y thing again and again, which is good.

PSYCH 285 - Journal Club. I got a credit hour to read an article and make a presentation. It was a great experience, a little work, but it was fun, and the credit was nice. I’ll defiantly be doing this one again.

That’s everything. Now to jump around a little.

As for this summer, I’m hoping I can do some sort of research thing. I’m almost certain that I’m going to be going to Kansas City for the summer, which will be a great experience. I hope I can make it work out.

This is probably the last TealArt I’m going to write from this computer. As you might remember I’ve been using a 12 inch ibook g4 (thats about a year old) for a while now. It’s a good machine, and I’d probably be able to continue to use it for years, but a number of circumstances combined, and I’m off loading it on my parents, and I’m getting a very shiny very spiffy, 15 inch Powerbook. 100 gb hard drive. 1.67ghz processor. 128 meg of video memory. 512 meg ram (to be upgraded, in August or December). Wireless (of course), No DVD burner, but I so have no use for that. It’s going to be fun.

I’ve been in a shawl knitting mood. I’m a good little bit into a shawl. I have another two planned. Did one earlier this semester, which is amazing looking. The summer is just to hot to make sweaters, though I have one that needs some sleeves that I’ll make as soon as I get to when I need a shawl break. Shawls take a long time, but I hope I can sell them or something, and if not they’re impressive to have, cheep to buy the yarn, and give you a lot of bang for the buck. So I’m going to keep that up for a while.

So that’s about it. I’ll probably be getting on the road soon. I’ll be around more this summer, and I promise to do something about this horrid design.

Ok, So I’ve been a really bad TealArtist this semester. I’m breaking my internal policy of posting my kitty of articles in order that I write them, to bring you this one.

It’s been one hell of a semester, which I hope to never really have to endure something like this again. I’m taking a, as one of my friends termed it, a royal ass-load of classes. All of which I enjoy a bunch, but it means I have to cut some things out. So I’ve been knitting a fraction of what I did last semester, and as you all notice, I’m sure, I haven’t been writing for you all. I assure you I’ll be back in full force as soon as this blasted period of my life is over.

The nice thing is that I can take 4 classes from this point forward, every semester, and graduate in Spring 2007. If I wanted to, as long as I take two psych classes and two non-psych classes, I get to do whatever I want, basically. The downside, is I have to start thinking about grad school stuff sooner than I’d want.

Just for a snapshot of my life right now, I’m going to be writing in a few moments, the lit review for a special research project for a psych professor. It’s been a great opportunity, and if it gets published it’ll probably help me get into grad school a lot (the chances of which I think are pretty likely). At the moment it’s hell, and there are a million and one nasty things I could say about this particular process, most of them related to my utter lack of engagement with the subject matter.

There aren’t classes tomorrow, because it’s spring day, which is a great deal of fun, but I doubt that the weather will hold up, so I’ll be working a lot. On the upside, I don’t have that much more to do before the end of the year. And while I’m so ready for this semester to be over, I’m not sure how ready I am to go home. I like it here, and the weather is finally nice.

Bah. I love rambling Blog Entries. One of these days I’m going to actually start writing again, by not writing actively, I kind of feel like I’m being a slacker. I’ll see you all around sometime…

Cheers!

“Is Psychology and art or a science,” the professor asked.

We all knew the answer he was looking for. No one wanted to say it.

“It’s both it’s neither,” a girl said quickly. “You can tell I’m not a psych major,” she followed quickly. It’s what I wanted to say, but given that I don’t know this professor, and right now I’m hoping that he ends up being my advisor, and I’m a little intimidated by his beginning of class talk, I keep my mouth shut. For once.

“It’s a science,” some brown-noser says sitting at the front of the class.

“Yes!” The professors excitement is radiant.

Not another one. I’m really irritated by this physics-envy that psychologists get. It’s like they’re completely oblivious. Wouldn’t be the first time. Turns me off in a big way. I like the discipline, and I have great hopes for what it can illuminate, but I think it’s all the Women’s Studies going to my head.

“What we need is to develop a different epistemological system that values non scientifically obtained knowledge.”

“You’re such a women’s studies major.”

“I think what I don’t like about psychology is that it’s approached from an empirical method, rather than a theoretically. I’m a theory junkie. There’s a problem here.”

“What! Psychology is all theory. Freud, I mean hello!”

“Right, but no one like Freud any more. And with reason.”

“Good point I suppose.” She paused for a long moment. “So there’s no theory?”

“Well, I mean there’s theory in everything, but it’s empirically constructed, not discursively.”

“Bull, it’s always discursively constructed.”

“True. Well you and I know this, but that doesn’t help things if they’re not taught this way. Ultimately it will be fine, but for now I have to sit through the damn classes.”

“You’ll do it. Just fine.”

“Of course, doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy a little misery now and then.”

“You’re a strange one, Sam.”

A couple years ago I spent my winter break writing, almost obsessively. I think I got 25,000 words on The Book done in two weeks. Last year I made a sweater or two. This winter break, in comparison, I’ve made a pair of socks, five (or six or seven) hats, a tote bag, did some finishing work on a sweater, and hopefully before the end of it, I’ll have finished another sweater (sleeves and some trim left).

Oh how the times they change.

Over the past two years, knitting has surpassed writing as my primary avocation. I think this is in part due to the fact that knitting engages a complete different part of my brain than my “work” (psychology, women’s/gender/queer studies), where as writing (and the reading that one has to do in order to write) are what I do “in the real world.” Knitting is escape, and writing became too much work. So I stopped, or more appropriately switched.

Also, I think I hit a brick wall with writing. I got to a point where I needed to publish more of my work, and publish it in respectable places. Print. Publications people have heard of. Money was an issue to. I didn’t want to throw my work into a black hole, and I felt (and still feel) that money signifies something important. If a publisher can afford to pay you, even a pittance, it means that s/he is making a profit on the publication, which means that people are reading it, and publishing (and money) was a way to ensure that my work was being read.

In order to write at this level, one has to be (I think) a little better than I was or perhaps am. One also has to be really persistent, and dedicate a sizeable percentage of one’s time to pitching what you think are really great ideas (that you’ve put a lot of energy into) to editors who aren’t going to accept your idea. As a “Writer” you have to spend so much time doing things other than writing that, when it comes time to actually write you, or I, don’t really have the energy and/or will to write.

And now, as my writing interests are starting to turn in academic directions, I find that even though my transcript says I’m a second semester sophomore, I have a long way to go before I think I’ll feel comfortable contributing to the discourse.

I think another issue that I faced, was that I’m contrary by nature. Like when I was a mobile tech guru, I was interested in using the gadgets as text delivery systems, and as ways to write portably, while everyone else was interested in vertical market solutions, graphics processing, widget type applications, and the like. As a knitter, I’m interested in a completely different different type of garment construction, style, and fiber content, than just about every designer. As a women’s studies major, I’m interested in men and male relationships. As a science fiction writer, I’m interested in people, and politics not technology and science. As a queer/gender theory-person, I’m interested in gasp male (sexual) identities, and not (particularly) in the milieux of trans issues. As a psychologist, I reject the way psychologists construct binary gender, and treat the discipline as an absolute and concrete scientific study.

You call it a niche, I call it being misunderstood and unpublishable. Having said that, I do recognize that being “contrary” will make me different and particularly define my work. I suppose different is preferable to being the same, as long as I can manage to not piss everyone off and find publishers who will take my work.

Having said that, I’d really like to start writing again. I should try and write fiction again, because I’m no poet (despite the fact that the only good pieces of creative writing I have at the moment are a series of poems I wrote last year). The problem with this is that I’ve never been good with short stories mostly because I’ve never been one to read them, and I really don’t have an idea of how to go about writing fiction that isn’t science fiction. But how different can regular fiction be from science fiction?

Famous Last Words.

The Search for Love in Manhattan

I don’t know but, I totally feel like this guy is among the worlds greatest bloggers. Funny, briliant, clever, and campy.

You don’t need a bloggie for that, folks.

I’m going to offer the readers of my site the benefit of the doubt and assume that you all probably know that sex and gender are very different concepts, and this entry is just a short little thing that will outline why it’s probably a good idea to not use these interchangeably.

Sex refers to any of the characteristics, roles, and identities related to bodily function; while, gender refers to the sociologically and psychologically constructed roles and identities associated with masculinity and femininity. Gender is dependent on culture.

Both sex an gender are incredibly complex constructions, that need not be simplified to be understood. There are as many sexes and genders as there are individuals on this planet. And yes, this goes all the way back to biology. There are a multitude of biological sexes.

Not the same thing. Neither are binary. Not something you can easily quantify. I realize that the preceding paragraph makes forming a methodological approach very difficult. I’m still looking for answers to this question. I do know that the dualistic way that all of psychology articles I’m reading this week don’t approach this issue from the right place.

You may ask: “Aren’t blogs supposed to be an account of one’s lives, thoughts, and reactions to the world as they happen?” (more or less, accounting for a reasonable publishing delay). The answer is yes.

So, I bet you all are like, wow, what the hell does this guy do in his free time. Doesn’t he have a life that’s worth talking about. He’s 18, almost done with his first semester of college, at a wacky liberal arts school, and all he writes about are approaches to talking about gender and other wacked things.

Well, honest to god, this is what’s running through my head a lot.

Here’s another one of my posting backlogs. At this rate I’ll run through the stash in no time, and I’ll have togasp* write again. Wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. Anyway, enjoy!*

Here’s a little but of a knitting commentary. I finished this sweater that turned out really awesome. The body is mostly black, with some gray on the yoke and the top of the sleeves, and the sleeves, and top of the shoulders are this ecru color I call sheep. It has steaks and this chest cut which is really nice. It’s all wool. I blocked it out well but I think I need to block it again, because it grew so much during the blocking and I want it to shrink up a little. It was a weird blocking experience.

I would totally write and post the pattern here, but I think I ’m going to bum a digital camera off of someone and write up a pattern for knitty, it’ll be good. In the mean time I’m maing another version of this sweater with a 50/50 hemp/wool blend that I had. It’s that light worsted/heavy DK weight yarn that I more or less have to knit at 5 stitches to the inch. I had been thinking about making a 5x3 ribbed sweater but the gauge wasn‚Äôt going to work out, and I must say that I really like making sweaters like these, and I really like wearing them as well.

I’m still really turned off of shawls. I’m also way over those fashion scarves that are really fuzzy. I have so much good shawl yarn, so I’m a little disappointed with not having any interest in doing shawl knitting, but that’s ok. I’m good with that.

I have a paper/presentation about knitting as feminist activism, which is going to be fun to do, I just have to sit down for a few hours and write that up.

Many knitters I communicate with are rushing to get their Christmas knitting done. I’m not down with the idea of knitting a slew of quick gifts. I mean on the one hand I like the idea of making versus buying gifts, but the very uniform frilly scarves, I tend to think are more about the object and less about the act of knitting. But that’s just me. I made my self two filly scarves, and I’m done with that now. Anyway, I’m avoiding other things with this post now, so I’m going to stop and move on to more worthwhile tasks. Cheers!

A few days ago, someone asked me, “what do you study in women’s and gender studies classes?” It’s an interesting question for me. I mean I could have just said, “how patriarchy and systems of oppression oppress people,” (or some variant) but that makes it all about oppression and victimization, and I think that’s unproductive and not helpful.

So I said, “gender studies is about locating our thoughts about the roles associated with gender and sex in a historical and cultural context.” I really like this definition. I’d also add other contexts now, like literary, and psychological, but in any case, I think that sums it up pretty well.

I’ve said that I want to write about WWOTB for a while, and I guess the above is as good of an introduction as any. I’ve been talking to people, both here at Beloit, and online through my vast network of people and I’ve learned a few things, and then want to make a few things clear.

First of all I don’t think anything has changed since I did CollectiveArts. The kinds of response that I’ve gotten this time around have materialized (or not) in the same way that they did the last time around. Only here, I’m not looking for a (semi) professional contributor base, which thankfully nixes the money question (good), but I still haven’t gotten any actual writing turned in yet (bad.) Having said that, my experiences in approaching people and asking them for contributions have given me a lot of information. Some are interesting simply for what they are and others are interesting in an affirming way. A lot of guys are like, “Wow, that’s really awesome I wish I had found something like that.”

I had a discussion with my feminisms professor today, and I think I want to start calling it the Young Gay Identity Project, rather than the Affinity Story project. Because… I think that captures what I’m trying to do better. I want to put together a collection of stories by young gay-identified men-identified folks that creates a fairly realistic portrait of this identity. I want to reach two groups of people with this collection: young gay men who aren’t out, or don’t know any or many other gay men and I want these boys and men to know that there are others like them out there, also I want everyone else to read the book and to find that young guys can and are gay, that the struggle of young gay men is not trivial, but also not the only struggle that young gay men think about, that young gay men can be pro-sex without being pegged (oy) as over-sexed/slutty, and that there’s more to the experience than the coming out narrative.

So there. If anyone out there wants to contribute contact me. Otherwise stay tuned for more developments. The current status is that I’m waiting for a critical mass of submissions, which will go through a fast revision cycle, and then I’ll perfect my little packet, and mail it out to publishers.

Cheers.