I bet you thought you were going to be able to survive this week without seeing something about Ronald W. Regan on TealArt. So sorry. Actually, I don’t really give a rat’s ass about the “deify/vilify” Regan thing. There are a couple a poignant responses to Regan’s non-treatment of the AIDS crisis, most notably this, by Brad Graham. Honestly though, I can imagine any other ruler of the era dealing with it differently; not that that excuses him by any means.

In any case, what I really wanted to offer, was this little logistical thought. See according to all of the sources I’ve encountered, Regan’s body has been lying in state for a few days now at the presidential library. His “body” is now being flown the D.C. where it’ll lay in state until a big hoopla at the national cathedral sometime this weekend or Monday. The days are unimportant.

What I’m thinking is that his body will never leave the Regan Presidential library.

Why?

It’s a closed casket; it has to be flown across the country twice. Why would they bother to do that? Who’s to know? More importantly, who’s to care? Flying dead bodies anywhere costs tens of thousands of dollars, and I see little purpose in moving it around so much. “His” presence is unrequited for the formality to serve it’s purpose. And we’ll never know for sure.

Unless someone tries to hit the National Cathedral during the service (given who’ll be there, I suspect the risk is somewhere around a muted orange), they’ll never say, but between you and me it’s empty.

I woke up to notification that my iBook shipped; well actually I woke up first and then found out that it had shipped, but you get the idea. In any case, FedEx says that it should make it here by Tuesday morning, (from Taiwan!) and I can’t wait.

If I were a more typical blogger, I would have posted about that. But I’m not a typical blogger, so here comes a rather banal post about my day today.

I just talked to someone about a job, and the chances of me getting said job seem to be pretty good. I’ll still be able to do this web design and consulting stuff, because honestly it won’t take up that much time, and I’m going to have a laptop in four or so days.

Other things on my platter for today: I have a lesson on how to pre-record radio shows, because I’m going to the interim summer engineer for OUTspoken, the LGBT radio show in St. Louis.

Tonight I’m going to see, guess, guess, DAVID SEDARIS. WOW! I love David Sedaris his writing and performance style (for lack of a better thing to describe the way he reads his writing) is so amazingly wonderful. sigh

With that, I’m done. At least for right now.

The job market is downright horrible. I’ve been looking all over for a job for a while, and I haven’t gotten any response. Nada. Ok, I can cope with that, not easily, but it can be done. So unless something miraculous happens, I’m resorting to ‘Freelance Sam’ work. I can write, design websites, build computers, fix computers, and do consulting work in the area of mobile technology and some other technology related niches. It’ll work out, and with hope I’ll have enough income to do the essentials like, pay for insurance, countless scones, teas, and bagels, not to mention living expense' whilst I’m away next year.

Earlier this week I ordered this iBook, which hopefully will ship today or tomorrow (but probably more realistically next Monday). Right now it’s essential. During the school year, this iMac (yes, the eight year old one) served me well. Between web browsing, Instant Messaging (AIM), word processing, and email, I really did not need to do anything else. Sure I would have loved to been able to update the back end of TealArt, do other web design, listen to MP3’s or watch my favorite cable TV programs, but I honestly didn’t need to do that.

Now things have changed. The thing is I haven’t been able to find an OS 8.1 compatible FTP client. And an appropriate syntax editor would be nice too. So I can’t do design as it stands now, but that’s only one of the many things that will be good about the new computer (I haven’t decided what to name it yet, as David said I had to.) First of all, this little beauty will have an AirPort Extreme card, which means wireless hot-spots here I come, OS X goodness, useable battery technology, and so forth. I can hardly wait.

Because, my schedule is pretty free, I’ll also have some time to entertain a couple of odd freelance writing notions. Articles and such that I’ve had floating around in my head for a while, but didn’t actually write because I was too busy concentrating on the social implications of the Mexican Revolution or some such. One such project would be going back to some biggish mobile tech site, and writing a “catching up article” detailing the perspective I’ve gained from being away from mobile tech for almost two years. Sure it’d be a bit cynical, but in some ways, I’ve conducted the perfect experiment for the mobile technology community, and I’d hope that some publisher would be willing to pay me a few bucks for the story.

Whereas I feel like I have some level of expertise or qualifications to talk about technology as an 18 year-veteran of dorkyness, I don’t feel the same way about writing, but it might be interesting to look at what I’ve learned as a writer in the past few years. I’m not sure that’ll be as easy to sell. That one will take a lot more thought and it’s quite likely that it’ll end up as a TealArt post. Maybe.

I’ve also had, for a while, the dream of setting up a gender theories discussion list. Almost four years ago I set up a list for Spec-Fiction writers, and I think it’s a really successful community. We have good discussions, stable membership in the neighborhood of 170, a team of great-dedicated moderators, and I really couldn’t ask for more. The thing is I’m not a terribly dedicated Science Fiction writer any more, and while I’m almost done with the first part of my second SF novel, I’m not interested in the culture any more. So I’m going to create a group for the discussion of Gender issues: Construction/Deconstruction, Cross-Cultural Interpretations and Perspectives, implications, with a queer studies and literary bent probably. In the next few weeks I suspect.

So that’s where I stand. Hope you enjoyed this update!

I’m at the Apple Store and I just heard that Ronald Reagan died. Man, one of my secret wishes finally came true. Thanks a lot, universe. Took you long enough. Now then, how about getting to work on a couple of my other wishes: a cure, and my friends back.

-- Brad Graham

So after graduating, after turning 18, after being accepted to a great college, after successfully finishing an awesome theater production I feel somehow obligated to reflect on the gravity of the past few months.

But the truth is that like any big change, I’ve had, in some cases, years to prepare for this. Right now the only gravity I’d like share with you is the lifting of all this weight that I’ve been lugging around from my shoulders for the past few months.

In that vein (or artery), I have two semi-whimsical points to make.

Firstly, I’m having a major geek conflict. See, I promised myself that I’d buy myself a much-disserved new computer this summer. I’ve been using this ancient iMac for months, and a new one is really worth it. I heard a rumor that Apple would be releasing a new something (I’m thinking this is the much awaited G5 PowerBooks) in the middle/end of June. But this is only the latest incarnation of this rumor that I heard first as a rumor about the middle of May. Now I’m not planning to get a PowerBook, because they aren’t worth the hefty extra chunk of change, especially in comparison to the iBooks. But the introduction of the G5 portables will drive down the cost overall, and it might be worth it to wait several weeks. Even though I really don’t want to. It might be time to, in the interim, fix-up my old computer. God forbid. Something. I need to not be using this computer for much longer I swear.

Secondly, I saw a Vintage VW Bug in perfect condition for sale a few blocks away from here. Wouldn’t that be awesome? Well it could hardly get worse gas mileage. The truth is I don’t really want a new car, or even a new-to-me car. Though that would be nice. I’ve been driving a 1989 Oldsmobile Eighty-Eight Royale for the past two years, and it’s a great car. Runs great, really reliable for a car of its age, and its really comfortable. But I’m pretty sick of it. Gas mileage is eh. Turning radius is pretty pathetic. I’ve plans to sell it at the end of the summer, and be car-less for a year or two (or even three/four), and then get something more suited to me and my uses when my life is more suited to having a car. I’ll live. But at the same time, a vintage VW…

Cheers!

Well, well. I’ve done the first performance of As American As Apple Pie and I’m really digging how it went.

It’s taught me a bunch about acting and about theater. Before the performance, I vowed to myself that I would never ever act in a production again. And then, it happened, and maybe I’ll take another stab at it in a few years. It’s been wild and good.

This theater project has been part of the reason I postponed my birthday. From Wednesday till today, all my thought has been dedicated to this, and the birthday thing didn’t really penetrate at all. People asked me on Thursday how old I was and I told them seventeen. Now it kind of is and that’s another thing that’s exciting.

There are defiantly some things that I’ll probably talk about at great length, but that’ll happen after this is all over.

Right now, I’m about to go pass out, but before I do, I would like to mention two neat things.

I got a real life comment about TealArt from a non-relative. It was awesome. From an artist nonetheless. This makes me even more self-conscious about the fact that the default design features a picture shamelessly stolen from the A&F Quarterly. Not to mention the fact that I don’t really proof read anything I post here, and thus feel the content is kind of shaky.

The second thing is that the one and only Brad Graham was there, saw me, said hello, shaked (shook, I know it’s shook) my hand. Its weird. I’ve been reading Brad’s site for years. I found the link on Amy’s site, only to discover that it was only coincidence that we didn’t already know each other.

And having said that, it’s still really weird. Now, when meet a fellow blogger-type, I make a point of communicating with them off the bat, so that I can become friends with them before I know all their life stories and then feel like a stalker. I guess that marks the first time I’ve ever met a real honest to god blogger-type in person. He was shorter than I thought he would be, but not that much shorter. I think that can be owed to the fact that I envision everyone as being my height and he’s about an inch shorter than me. Anyway. I’m babbling, now, so I’ll see you all around.

Peace out. Cheers,

This entry is a continuation of Too Touchy Feely Sometimes.

So there’s beauty everywhere, and maybe that’s what art is. Not technical skill or talent, but the ability to see the beauty everywhere and in everyone.

If that’s the case, then artists are a bunch of hacks; because I think anyone in the right mindset can see that beauty, and communicate it. Maybe it’s easier for some people than for others, but the truth is that everyone is capable of this.

But I don’t think that’s the case. Right now I want, and perhaps need to believe, that there’s something special and unique about art. Good art. That it’s something special, and not something that everyone can do. That sure makes me an elitist asshole. And at the same time, I realize how that’s not effective, because elitist artists do nothing for me, and the truth is, that in practice, I’m not exclusive about my own art. I’ve had this experience of being a visual artist, by virtue of a studio/portfolio class that I’ve been in, and I think I’ve been able to do some pretty cool stuff. But I don’t think my work is extordinary. So maybe that’s the comfortable work. Everyone can do art, and a lot of it can be really interesting and worthwhile without being the next Van Gogh.

Not to stray too much, but perhaps this is a problem with materialism. In a society where the product is valued so much, it feels sometimes that we’re working to make the next thing marketable, better than the last. Take the movie industry, where what would otherwise be an artistic venture, becomes a capitalist venture. This happens in any non-ephemeral art, where there is a hard product produced, and it’s another one of those “no solution but a definite problem” kind of situations.

The problem I guess with the normalization of art, is that, it becomes less special and less mystical, and while in general terms I like the idea of demystifying the world, there’s defiantly some romantic shred that needs to cling to that notion.

I’ve said before, that in light of analysis of these “problems” faith, hope, and acceptance are the only reasonable solutions. Frankly, I think that’s a really shitty solution. (To my grandmother: the book is on my bedside table, and I promise to take it up next.) So here’s what I’m going to replace than answer:

There is something within all of us that claims to our own “side,” the belief that art is something special and unique, and so forth. So much that, this is what makes us unique. If we didn’t cling to these conceptions, we wouldn’t be special.

I know science fiction writers who have had the idea that there is some conceptual limit, an area, when a species figures out the big questions, and gets the answers. After this point, the race becomes reclusive, or “goes beyond,” or blinks out of existence, etc. It’s a nice idea and I think on some level it makes peace with this very question in a tidy sort of way.

Hell, I’m only seven—eighteen—and I don’t need to have this sorted out now. I don’t have to have it sorted out in fifty years; I don’t need to ever answer this question. Perhaps this is a situation where its' only really important to ask the questions and think about the questions. Answering might be counter productive. That’s the truth, as much of a source of frustration as that often is, it’s still the truth.

In all things, balance is admirable, even desirable.

That’s a hard thing to accept, because so often we’re so wed to our own causes, our own positions, and our own prospective, to realize that the middle ground is probably the best place. If two people are arguing, then, the best resolution is the solution that falls squarely between them.

This isn’t to say that when arguing people shouldn’t stick to their guns. Peoples perspective and positions, causes and desires make them individuals, and allow the discourse to function at the peak of its (admittedly) limited ability. But, there’s no avoiding the discourse.

But people shouldn’t give up their sides of the argument, or dive to the center (a political point in reference to the “two” party system), that creates a completely and largely irrelevant kind of discourse.

Hey, arguing isn’t necessarily bad; having differences of opinion is healthy. And the last time I checked, that was still legal in this country. Although lately, I’ve been wondering.

-- (That’ll make sense to people who see As American As Apple Pie.)

Having beaten that to death several times, allow me to offer the actually interesting part of this post.

I’ve been hearing about the 9/11 commissions, for months. She’ll testify. She won’t testify. She’ll just ‘talk’ to them. They testified together. He testified and then He testified and they both said the same thing.

Which of course lead me to ask: I wonder what this means? I wonder how this will affect the election? Does it even matter? What are we learning from this discourse? And on, and on, and on. While I’m not fond of participating in the discourse of American Politics, or even fond of commenting on it, I do take some pleasure in listening to NPR regularly, and just listening to what’s said, and how it’s said. I have no desire of being a pundit, but within the confines of my car, it’s a fun mental exercise.

For the past two days I’ve been hearing ‘live’ testimony to the 9/11 commission. It’s really dry stuff. Even for NPR. And I could have been analyzing what was being said, how they were saying it, their ulterior motives, and all of that. And I might have been able to confirm something I already knew, or even gotten something new.

But I didn’t do that. I just listened to what they said. And there was a kind of beauty to it. Not in the normal, Monet flowers, or Michelangelo’s David sort of way, but in a tragic thunder and windstorm blowing over the barn sort of beauty.

And then I realized that I was just kind of tired, and that I was really listening to a guy describing the complexities and differences between Staircase A, in the North Tower, and Staircase B in the South Tower for a good ten minuets.

So I realized that if I could find a kind of touching beauty in the description of a staircase, that perhaps, I could find beauty in other things too. If the last two years have taught me anything, it’s that my artistic goal, if I have one, is to communicate that simple beauty.

Must enjoy fruitful arguments, and life’s simpler pleasures.

--From Apple Pie

Having realized this directive, I have to say that it’s hard to find those essential moments that have beauty, because I know that they’re everywhere, but if you go overboard and take pleasure in the rhythm and organization of a touch-typist’s skill, or knitter’s craft. I mean it’s there, but its easy to go overboard and get too touchy feely.

On the other hand…

To be Continued…