Topic: Posts

I’ve started to make a list of guidelines for my Affinity story project. It’s by no means definitive, and subject to change/my whim at this point, but I think this itÔøΩs helpful to my process, so here it is.

• Contributors should be male, and have been raised as such.
• Contributors should be gay, bisexual, and/or have had significant romantic and/or sexual relationships with other men.
• Stories should be factual, though it’s ok to change minor details, like names and locations to protect yourself and/or your friends/family.
• Stories should be written from the perspective of the author in the first person.
• Stories should tell of event(s), and feelings the author felt in reaction to the events, and thus should not attempt to analyze the event in a larger context.
• Contributors need not have “come out,” to their friends, family, teachers, etc. confidentiality will be respected.
• Contributors need not be 18. (Is there some way that I can pull that off? Also, is there a way that we can dodge the mandated reporter bullet? I mean I don’t think I have to report anything if I don’t want to, but I need to decide how I feel about this. I’d want to encourage confidence in possible contributors that have stories about cutting, abuse, etc?)
• How has being gay/bi has affected your friend type relationships?
• How has coming out has affected existing relationships?
• How dose your gay/bi identity affect your relationship to women?
• Dating as a young gay/bi man?
• How has being gay/bi affected school?
• How has coming out affected your relationship with your parents? Grandparents?
• Have you ever come out and regretted it later?
• How do you feel when you see a straight couple your age being affectionate in public?
• Have you gone to a Pride celebration? Why or Why not? If so what was it like?
• Examples that other gay men/youth have presented for you.
• How has being bi affected a heterosexual relationship? A homosexual one?
• Gay role models.
• Having a closeted relationship even if you were out.
• Being in the closet, and staying in the closet.
• Your feelings about the community of young gay/bi men.

Examples of subject matter for stories:

• Your reaction upon meeting someone else that was gay (or lesbian).
• The first time you identified with some one who was gay/bi and how you felt.
• How you felt when you met/saw/heard about the first (other) person in your age group that was gay/bi.
• A time an unexpected ally came to your defense, ie. A teacher standing up for you. Conversely, the time when an expected ally (like a best friend) didn’t come to your defense.
• How you felt when HIV/AIDS became real for you.

And basically this amounts to me thinking out loud on the ‘blog, but then I’m prone to doing that even under the best of circumstances. Now all I have to do is synthesize this in to something a bit more coherent, and more user friendly.

In my last knitting post, I complained about how much I really didn’t like having a project to knit on, and was at a loss of what to start next. Well, that hasn’t changed, but I feel less like I need to cast on for the next awesome project. In the past few days, I’ve made 3 or 4 scarves. This brings the grand total to 6. There’s another one on the needles. I have yarn for another one or two in my knitting bowl. I’m working on the felted vest, and making respectable progress on that project. I might get to the steeks before I go to school. I’m not finding that very relaxing at the moment, so it isn’t my “primary” project. Not that I have a primary project at this point. I’ll probably cast on for the next shawl and pick out a few simple lace patterns for that sometime soon, but I don’t feel like I have to do that. I think the frenzied phase I was in a few days ago.

I just realized that this is the first time in, oh, two years that I haven’t been actually enrolled in some sort of academic program. I did nothing except write, after my sophomore year of High School, after junior year, I had a bunch of IB stuff to do, which really killed that summer. For most of this summer, I’ve been in a gender studies class. This is a really weird feeling, and given that I have a few days left of summer before I have to get ready to move, and then move and start the whole process over again. Like I said, the last time I was in this situation, I wrote the first half of a book. That was a whole summer; this is somewhat less than that.

Its just really weird not to be in some sort of frenzied state, to not have anything hanging over my head. I mean the moving away thing is sort of hanging over my head, but it’s completely different from the “write this paper” hanging over my head. Anyway, that’s where I am.

So there’s this Message Board for people who are going to Beloit College in the fall, so that the class that’s entering in Fall 2004 can all get to know each other. Most of the time, the fare is pretty stupid: What kinds of music do you like? Where are you all from? Why did you choose Beloit? and so forth. Like the good homosexual I am, I started a thread for “GLBT/Queer/Other/Non-Straight” people. I’ve gotten some response, a few out guys, more more girls, and tons of “I’m not gay, really, but I love my gay friends.” Mostly what I expected, but it was good to bring the issue up.

A few days ago, a guy posted, asking, “what the big deal is about sexuality, why do people feel the need to declare themselves?”

At which point I cringed so much that I upset the cat. While in retrospect, the question did in fact come from an ignorance of the issue, that wasn’t completely evident at the time. That kind of question struck me as something to be avoided. Like people who say, “I don’t see what the big deal about race is,” which is a train of thought which I am of the opinion should be avoided.

So I wrote this piece, in the vain of, “why sexualities are important and matter.” It’s concise, perhaps too concise, but it covers everything sufficiently. To my surprise I got a number of responses to this piece and so I’m going to post it here, with a few minor improvements.

Right. Well then…

Identity is made up of a few things (concerning gender/sexuality/etc.) Your behavior, your feelings/desire (I’m lumping, the identity that you claim, in here, even though that may not match up with actual desires,) and how other people see you (and thus how you’re socialized,) all of which are situational and subject to change. They all contribute in different proportions to “the identity,” and I’m not going to make a qualitative judgment as to this system of identity construction, but they’re all factors in this system, which is very much a reality in the world we live in, and I’ll leave this debate at that.

Gender and sex are really important to how we relate to the rest of the world. When meeting other people before we say hello, before we shake hands, we make a judgment about people’s gender (Boy/Girl). We make other judgments too, which are also important (race, class, education, age,) but the “gender call” happens really early. Often this judgment is correct, though not always, and based on this of others, we alter our interactions. It’s part of that whole socialization thing. Again, I don’t want to make a judgment as to the quality of this system, but I do know that it happens regularly.

Ok, that’s really simplified, but I feel there’s truth there.

So how does sexuality play into it? Right. Sexuality is really key to our definition and construction of gender. For example you hear the word “lesbian” and you think of women with power tools, flannel shirts, short hair, and the whole bit. Or, if you see someone who fits that description and you’ll probably think lesbian. If a guy is in anyway femme, people think gay. It gets acted out on schoolyards everywhere, to mention nothing of the adult world.

That’s why sexuality is important, at least in my mind (can you tell I’m a budding psych/gender/queer studies guy?) Now, why are we (I) talking about it here?

Because affinity is an excessively powerful tool for feeling comfortable in a new community, for social change and just for a feeling of safety. As a gay man, I want to know that there are going to be other gay people where I’m going. It’ll make me feel safe. The metaphor of a “big gay family” isn’t appropriate for a number of reasons, but there are some aspects of that notion, that are kind of true, and I want to make sure that there will be an affinity community when I get to Beloit, or at least have the option of finding a kind of affinity group at Beloit.

Oh, and while sleeping with straight guys is initially thrilling, it’s ultimately trite, bad, unsatisfying, and not emotionally healthy for me. Just joking, mostly.

Cheers,

(There. I think it covers things pretty well, and provides me with the very beginning of something for the affinity story project.)

Well I’ve finished a couple of knitting projects recently. I finished the second beanie (as per my pattern,) and I’ve made another scarf. I have two Lion Brand Jiffy Scarves, that are fairly nice, but nothing to get excited about. The new scarf is some white/ivory Lion Brand “Homespun” that I got for a quarter at a rummage sale. I used about half a skein on a modestly lengthed scarf. I use the Magic Scarf method. Cast 50 Stitches on a 10.5 16-inch needle. I use the backward loop method (as tightly as possible). Knit till it’s at least half the length of the desired scarf, then I cast off as directed, and that’s basically it. I’ll spare you all the pithy directions, because this isn’t exactly intended to be a pattern post.

Another rummage sale find, was this perfectly hideous “sweater.” It was this sleeveless Charlie Brown number, made out of long strips of leather. Yes. Cowhide, leather. I riped most of it (except for the white and fuscia bits) saved a bunch of it, and I’m currently the more naturally leather colored “yarn” carried together with the rest of the homespun.

Not that I need any more scarves mind you, but given that my net investment in most of these products is like fifty cents for all of them, and I’ve enjoyed the making I’m thinking that I might as well make a few extra bucks by selling them. Also, hand knit scarves are totally the rage these days, so I’m also looking for places to sell my wares. I’ve found a craft store that clearly takes a commission that’s way way way to high. But then maybe it’d be worth it, if I could make 50 bucks (or a bit more) for a 4-5 scarves, especially ones that I do for fun whilst reading or something, it’d be worth it. The problem is, of course, finding yarn at these prices, and the truth is, that I’d like to be able to get some slightly nicer yarn.

While I’m kind of enjoying making a few smaller projects, I think I’d really like to work on something bigger. I have an unfinished felted vest that I’ve started to work on again, the only problem is it’s 100% wool. All the lanolin is still in the yarn, so it’s REALLY hot to sit under. I guess I’ll have to put that one off for a little while longer. I was really hoping to be able to finish this before I went away so I could stitch up the steaks before I went away to school, but I don’t think that’ll happen. My most recent yarn purchase is of the same stuff, so I think that’s going to get put off until I’m in cooler climes.

This leaves me in the uncomfortable middle ground between projects. I don’t have anything to start, really, and all of the things I’m working on aren’t suitable. I have a few shawls that I could start, but again I’ve made two shawls recently, and I’m not keen on starting a new one. So I’m in this weird in between place. There’s also a pair of socks that I want to make, and I could make another hat or two or three if I wanted, but I’ve made two hats recently, and I want to try something else. I’m due for another sweater, but the only yarn I have in enough quantity is fingering/sport-mercerized cotton. Not suitable.

So that’s where I am. In other news, Chris is having computer problems from hell, I’m moving away in less than three weeks, and I’m basically on vacation. No more class, no parent’s (for six days), and not that much to do. Sweeet.

Disclaimer: This patterns was created based on rough math, available yarn, and vague memory of what my gauge usually is with this type of yarn. After the satisfactory completion of the project, I’ve compiled my memory of the process and evidence gathered from the finished object. There are two sets of directions: a narrative description of the process written in plain English, and pithy knitting shorthand. I make no guarantees, feel free to notify me of any errors or improvements to the pattern, but I think it should work. Enjoy!

I was finished with most of my other knitting project and needed something new that would keep me interested and would last more than a couple of days. I had a 100 gram ball of Lion Brand Magic Stripe Yarn (I believe it only comes in 100g balls), and I defiantly wasn’t in the mood to make socks, and this yarn has been lying around for a while, so my mom suggested making a hat. So I started to make a hat, and I’m usually fairly wary of hats, cause I have a problem getting the crown decreases to come out right. Despite this, I am moving to Wisconsin in a few months, and I need all the woolen garments I can make, so I started making a hat.

I usually get somewhere in the neighborhood of 7 stitches to an inch with this kind of yarn, on US 1 or 0 size needles. Generally I use US 1s for 4 ply yarn, and US 0s for 4 ply yarn. Magic stripe is 6 ply, so I used 1s (Susan Bates, coated, in this case). After measuring my head, I cast on 150 stitches, (or more accurately had my mom cast on 150 stitches). She used the long tail method; any kind of elastic cast on method will work, though. I began knitting in 2x2 ribbing, (that is knit 2, purl 2), for 3.5 inches. I should note, that by the third round I had 148 stitches at e this point. I tend to decrease as appropriate rather than increase to correct errors in establishing a ribbing pattern, it’s unnoticeable without a magnifying glass, and in this case, it makes the cast on a bit more forgiving.

After 3.5 inches, switch to stocking stitch, it might be prudent to decrease 7-10% of the total stitches, as this point, (10-15 stitches, evenly spaced). I must admit that I forgot to do this on the original model, and I haven’t gotten to that point on the second hat yet. Again, knit for 3.5 inches, plain stocking stitch, or perhaps a hair more. I knit about 3.75 inches.

It’s now time to begin the crown decreases. Rather than randomly choosing thright number of spokes and decrease types, I modified the pattern for a sock toe that I’d seen my mother do. It’s from the mismatched striped socks in Nancy Bush’s “Knitting for Travelers,” or “Road Knitting” (there’s one book, the question is with my memory), and believe it or not, it worked: unbelievably well.

For the first decrease round knit seven (K7), knit two together (k2tog), and repeat for the entire round; then knit seven rounds plain. Then knit the second decrease round, which is knit six (K6), knit two together (k2tog) and repeat for the rest of the ro0und, then knit six rounds plain. Continue in this pattern, there are eight rounds in total. After the knit one, knit two together (repeat for the round), and the single plain round that follows, knit one round of knit two togethers, and end with a single plain round. The 16 inch circular needle will probably become too large after the knit four knit two together round, so switch to double points, or some alternate method of knitting very small rounds, but you probably knew that.

By this point you’ve probably noticed two things. First of all, those decrease rounds don’t fit evenly into the round. This is ok and is not ultimately detrimental to the final hat. It’s possible that this only happened because I had 148 stitches, and not a more even 150. But I’m sure some will want to alter the number of stitches because not everyone has a head that’s SamSized. You could alternate the decreases so that they come out perfectly, or make sure the number of stitches you chose is perfectly divisible. But I’d recommend that you not worry about it, I admit that I move the last decrease over a stitch or two to make it more even, but not worrying about it is just as effective. Knitter’s choice.

Also, you’ve noticed that you’ve come to the end of the pattern and you have 7-10 stitches, on your needles. I grafted (Kitchener stitch) this opening closed. I think it looks great. If you’re afraid of grafting, don’t worry I am too. You could also break the yarn and draw through the remaining stitches (especially if you want to add a pom-pom.) After this, weave in the two ends, smile pat yourself on the back, and start on a second one.

Pithy Directions for this Fine Gauge Knitted Beanie Style Hat/Cap

Gauge: 7 st/in on US 1’s Needles: 16" Circular US 1s, and 1 set of US 1 double points. Yarn: 1 skein of Lion Brand Magic Stripe Yarn. 100 grams. There will be leftovers. The finished product weights about 60 grams. Other Materials: 1 Tapestry needle, and a marker (or suitable length of yarn)

Directions: CO 150 st on 16" cn. Join (being careful to not twist, of course). Establish K2 P2 rib.

When piece measures 3.5 in. switch to st st. *K8 K2tog repeat from * 15 times for one round. (optional.)

Knit plain for 3.75 inches.

Crown Decreases: *K7 K2tog repeat from * till end, fudging the last few stitches as desired. K 7 rounds plain.

*K6 K2tog repeat from * till end, fudging the last few stitches as desired. K 6 rounds plain.

*K5 K2tog repeat from * till end, fudging the last few stitches as desired. K 5 rounds plain.

*K4 K2tog repeat from * till end, fudging the last few stitches as desired. K 4 rounds plain.

*K3 K2tog repeat from * till end, fudging the last few stitches as desired. K 3 rounds plain.

*K2 K2tog repeat from * till end, fudging the last few stitches as desired. K 2 rounds plain.

*K1 K2tog repeat from * till end. K 1 rounds plain.

*K2tog repeat from * till end. K 1 rounds plain.

Using Kitchener stitch, graft remaining stitches together. Weave in ends. Apply Hat to head, folding the ribbing up over the ears. Prepare to be complimented for your new hat, and cast on 150 for another one.

Ok, I mentioned in an earlier post that I was going to be posting stuff about my knitting hobby on TealArt. There’s a definite community of knitting web log’s many that I read with some frequency, or at least the same amount of frequency that I read any weblog, any more (somehow, by using an RSS reader, I’ve started reading weblogs less compulsively, but that’s fodder for another entry).

Just as Chris, wants to break into the technology commentary ‘blog bubble, I kind of want to break into the knitting ‘blog world. But the thing is, TealArt doesn’t break into bubbles. We kind of slide into the bubbles we’re interested in and linger in the background, and like a lot of the inanimate objects/factors in my creative life, I have to learn how to deal with it as it is. Again, this is fodder for another entry, and if you didn’t get my point, that’s quite all right.

The other thing, is knitting bloggers, have a definite kind of style that I don’t really fit into. They talk about their families, children, (usually, and of course to different degrees) their current knitting projects, recent yarn purchases, their cats, and they of course dibble in politics/current events, just like the rest of us. Oh and Knit Blog entries have LOTS of pictures, which I like reading, but don’t particularly like writing.

So typically, I’m not going to write that kind of knitting content, and I’m not really that kind of knitter. I’ll write up patterns that I make up, useful tricks that I find whilst knitting, other interesting things I find along the knitting journey.

I have a lengthy article that I wrote about translating patterns for sweaters that are designed to be knit back and forth, and then sown up into circular tube type patterns. It’s logical, but I have to clean it up and chop it up into little pieces for presentation here. I also have what I think is the most genius pattern for a hat, all written up. I’ll proof that some more and post it in a few days. And I have a pattern for a pair of socks all worked up in my head, that I’m going to start knitting next. That’s what’s on the table.

I should warn you all, that I’m a really esoteric kind of knitter. I love to read knitting patterns, but I don’t really love to follow them. I’m one of those left handed knitters that knit “backwards,” as I said before, I frequently rewrite sweater patterns so I’ll enjoy making them more. I like to learn lots of techniques--ways of getting a certain result--so that I can mix and match as desired. Fairly often my attempts are successful, occasionally I fall flat on my face.

Oh, and while were’ talking about esoteric, I should mention my yarn philosophy. I’m 18 going to college, and if I’m not broke, I’m usually fairly close. I suppose I could afford to buy nicer yarn new, but I generally don’t. I also am pretty good about keeping a small stash. At the moment I’m sitting on 6,000 yards of fingering weight mercerized cotton, that I got for two dollars and fifty cents at a rummage sale (that was really the yard sale find of the century). I make a lot of things out of cotton. There are also three cones of similar mercerized cotton that I’m thinking of claiming (brown in this case), that my mom got under similar circumstances. While I don’t have a yardage on that, think it’s more like 8,000-10,000 yards. Other than that, I have a couple of skeins of acrylic yarn that people have offloaded on me, and I think that’s about it. I’ve also discovered that there are people selling some kinds of cone yarn fairly cheaply on eBay. I’m going to start buying yarn by the kilo.

At the moment, I’m working on a slightly updated version of the hat pattern that I’m going to post soon as my primary project. I’m also stuck in that never ending icord place with a very purple version of this bag, and I have a felted vest that I just need to work on for a few days (probably going to be the next thing I work on.) I’m also making a swanky white scarf that I’m going to give away/sell, but that’s a really quick project.

On the docket for new projects are: this nifty pair of socks (aforementioned), a sweater (for which I still don’t have yarn), a “Danish” shawl, and some commercial knitting (fashion scarves and the like.) I’ll post about each of these in time.

Well, I think that’s all for now! Thanks for reading, and stay tuned.

I’m kind of friends (as in I don’t know her that well, but we’ve met and talked at some length), with this girl who wrote a book called “My Sisters’ Voices: Teenage Girls of Color Speak Out.”

Apparently Iris was reading a book that discussed the position and perspective of teenage girls through a series of essays written by young women, and while she liked it, it didn’t really identify with her struggle, as a young person of color. So she collected the essays for that book and published it, and there it is.

Which got me thinking, you know, there really should be something in a similar vein written by/about young gay men, or at least young male identifying people who are a bit alienated from the straight/narrow/binary world. On the one hand, it would be really easy for guys to lie down and play the victim, and I would fear that a project like this would come off as whiny, self centered, and overly depressive. On the other hand, young men need to be empowered to break out of the straight/narrow/binary system. I’d also be worried that it would get too intellectual, because guys have a tendency to do that: ntellectualize the position to the point of oblivion, and ignore or omit the emotional overtones, which could really hurt the overall impact of such a project.

What do you all think? Leave a comment, or drop me a line. Thanks!

I kind of thought I would be updating the TealArt website at the moment. We’re about a year overdue for the next version of Quarto, the content management system that runs all of TealArt. Amy and I haven’t been terribly good at synchronizing our schedules, so she’s off to Atlanta again this weekend. I’m thinking next Wednesday or so would be a good time to get it all done.

Once that gets done, I’m going to do the next phase of the site reorganization. This one includes rewriting the display of the main page. Before next Wednesday I’m going to try and clean up all of the “content” pages, which have been a little too static, even for static pages.

But as I’m sure you’ve all noticed, we’ve done the design. It’s a simpler more “branded” type of design. The graphic was a collaborative effort between myself and the ever fabulous Indi. Ok so not really collaborative at all. Indi did this quick graphic for me because I liked the look his awesome new design. So, he made me a new graphic and I was really particular about it. Well it’s how Chris and I work together. Not really.

I’ve set up a new category for Knitting related posts, which I’ve wanted to write about, but I’ve managed to hit the maximum amount of knitting related things I can take in for a while. We’ll call it a fiber overdose. I’m pretty close to finishing this one shawl, so I did the only logical thing: I picked up a project I had put down for months and it was a bit too much for me. Maybe I’ll be better in the morning after I write some.

I consulted with a few of my contacts about the mystery computer problem, and the consensus of opinion is that if a new power supply doesn’t fix this problem, we’ll have to start doing ritual dances around it. It’s a good thing that one of my trusted consultants, and most of my family are members of a ritual dance team, but honestly now. This had better work, because I haven’t a clue.

In other news, I had another one of my Anthro Gender/Sex Roles class for the week. It was enjoyable, and I think I’m perhaps a little closer to understanding my distain/problem with this whole anthropology thing. I don’t have the right Zen for it. I’ve been reading these ethnographies about gender roles and relationships in foraging societies, and seeing the potential and beginnings for the development of patriarchy, male dominance, and all the ills that go along with that. But the truth is, that these cultures have a fundamental egalitarianism (or something), and despite idiosyncratic elements of inequality, they’re naturally egalitarian.

While not ideal, the anthropologic mode of analysis, or the lens through which cultural critiques are made is this kind of egalitarianism. It’s very pragmatic, and I like pragmatism.

Having said that, I suppose I was expecting that this course would contribute to feminist criticism by comparing less patriarchal societies with our own, or by illustrating the various flavors male dominance and patriarchy can take across cultures. But the approach I’m seeing here is the development of, which is helpful, just in a different way, that I wasn’t quite expecting. The thought of course being, that if you can’t find a culture that developed differently (because there cannot be controls for these studies,) then don’t even bother to approach the issue of deconstruction/dismantling from that perspective; but rather from the perspective of, if we know how it developed, then maybe we can undo.

That being said, this week we talked about Gender in Prehistory, so this is more like a “development of culture” type of study, so in order to (in this case) draw conclusions and be sure that your conclusions are well founded, I think a little bit of Zen is required. But even when the cultures aren’t Neolithic, it takes a certain leap of faith to make a connection. At least, at this moment, I’m not terribly good at making leaps of faith like that. Maybe that’s what I’m supposed to learn from all this.

Another thing this proves, which is a concept that I think I knew, but that I’m learning more completely now is the meaning of cultural construction That is, in terms of the content. On a more cosmic level, I’m learning how to be more Zen.

I got my iBook almost a day ago, and I feel confidant saying that I’m satisfied with the way it’s set up. I’ve got all the applications that I know I’ll never use out of my way, and I’ve downloaded all of the little must haves. I’m almost giddy to take it to a hotspot to try out the AirPort. I’ve gotten some other work done today too, and that’s mainly the focus of this post, you’ll be hearing about this new computer for a little while, but to some it up in a quick phrase: I’m really happy with this, and it just works. It just works!

One of the things on my to-do list was to fix my old computer. I’m sure regular readers are quite familiar with this tale, and I won’t bore you with the details. In an unrelated purchase, with my iBook we got a new processor/heat sink for the computer. This would have to fix the computer, there was no way it didn’t.

Guess what the next line of this post is. Wait for it. Wait for it.

It didn’t work.

Gotcha! In my furry, I swapped the motherboard back, and lo and behold we have a symptom. Now, it turns on for fifteen seconds and then shuts itself off. Bam. Nothing at all other than that. I haven’t so much as seen the bios of this computer in six months. So my current theory is to replace the motherboard, on the grounds that it couldn’t be anything else. It’s not the hard drive, because the hard drive’s aren’t relevant in the early stage of the boot process, it can’t be the processor (unless the old one died, and the new one was DOA, which seems unlikely), it’s not the ram, that all checks out, it’s not the motherboard unless the old one died and then the new one was DOA), it’s not the video card, cause it doesn’t get to the video card stage. See where I’m left. There’s no other vital system that it could be.

On the other hand, if it is the power supply, I’m going to be really mad, and it’ll be pretty easy to build a second computer, given that all the components I have would then be good. If it is the power supply, this would have to officially go down in history as the oddest power supply malfunction in the history of the world ever. Ever.

Cheers, best of luck (to everyone, but I’m needing it, so I figure a karmatic adjustment is in order), and I’ll post again soon. Promise.